22 Songs Deep and 11 Years of History

I reflects and celebrate. Honestly that’s the only way I can explain tonight because somehow this day managed to hold healing, grief, laughter, anxiety, growth, poop conversations, and me trying to learn how to make my booty jiggle evenly all at the same time 😂

I started the morning like usual with my glow routine and morning vlog before heading out to see one of my Special Needs clients. Then it was off to barre class at Life Time and honestly barre was amazing today. The right side of my body keeps slowly unlocking more and more and it’s such a weird feeling when you’ve spent years disconnected from parts of yourself physically. I can feel my body changing lately. Not just appearance wise either, but functionality wise. Life Time was just hitting today.

Then I rushed home because my office phone rang and immediately my brain goes into panic mode thinking my client showed up an hour early. Nope. Just the UPS man 😂 which makes absolutely no sense because I don’t even have packages delivered to my office. Sir why are you stressing me out for no reason?

Then came NAD day and sweet baby Jesus I needed that today. The way it helps my brain is honestly hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it yourself. Everything just feels calmer and clearer afterward.

After that I headed into the office early and started a load of laundry before my client arrived. Of course… my client also showed up early 😂 and this session was a full two hour session. We did a 90 minute HeadSpa treatment mixed with a 30 minute massage and by the time we finished I immediately ran to check my laundry only to realize someone had gotten upset because I wasn’t able to switch it fast enough.

And listen… I genuinely tried.

There were literally five minutes left while my client was getting dressed and when you do services like I do, you can’t exactly stop in the middle of a session and be like:

“Excuse me while I go rotate my towels.” 🤦🏼‍♀️

I don’t leave my stuff sitting around intentionally. Ever. I get to it as quickly as possible. But it definitely put me in a tizzy because my nervous system has already been coming down from some mental roller coasters lately and it just felt like one more thing stacked on top of everything else.

Thankfully my girlfriend started texting me and somehow we ended up talking about poop because honestly if you and your best friend don’t discuss poop occasionally are you even really best friends? 😂

Then I came home and made one of the funniest videos I’ve made in awhile because apparently I’m trying to learn how to twerk now that the right side of my body is finally starting to move properly again. Listen… the booty is slowly bootying okay 😂 there’s still a long way to go but I can physically see the improvement and honestly that feels huge after everything my body has been through.

Then it was off to another Special Needs client before coming home to start tonight’s Weird Shit Blog while waiting to head to my last client’s house.

Somewhere in the middle of all of this tonight, I ended up 22 songs deep into an 11 year history.

And it’s wild how music can hold entire versions of your life inside of it.

One song can take you back to the exact moment you met someone. Another can instantly pull you back into grief you thought you had finally learned how to carry differently. Then somehow the songs slowly evolve right alongside you.

Grief is weird like that.

One minute you’re laughing about poop jokes and trying to learn how to twerk and the next minute a song comes on and suddenly you’re standing inside an entirely different year of your life again.

I don’t think grief ever fully leaves us. I think it just changes shape as we do.

Some songs remind you who you were.

Some remind you what broke you.

Some remind you who quietly stayed through all the versions in between.

And honestly tonight didn’t feel sad.

It felt reflective.

It felt healing.

It felt like celebrating survival a little bit too.

Because when I look back now, I don’t just see grief anymore. I see growth. I see evolution. I see someone who kept going even when life got unbelievably heavy.

And maybe that’s the weird beautiful thing about healing. One day you realize the soundtrack changed because you did too ✨

If your nervous system needs a place to exhale, I offer trauma-informed massage, head spa treatments, and advanced skincare at 888 Spa MN—where real life and real healing meet.