Everything Shows Up in Its Own Time

Tonight’s Weird Shit Blog is honestly the perfect example of why I started writing these in the first place because you seriously just cannot make this stuff up. It’s only 9:30 in the morning and I’m already voice texting “shit not trip log” into my phone because apparently my brain had already left the building before the day even started.

I got up, did my glow routine, did my morning vlog, and I’m like alright today is a full self-care day. I gotta run to Cosmoprof, go to therapy, get my hair done, take Evan to get his braces fixed, get dry needling done, and somehow survive all of it. Oh and holy shit… my son got a real job. Him and his job coach accepted the position yesterday and now we’re waiting to hear what’s next. I completely forgot to even share that yesterday because life has been moving that fast lately.

I also realized this morning that I’ve been naturally talking about my memoir and my blog more lately without even thinking about it. Last night someone told me they’ve been reading both and that they were proud of me, and another friend recently told me I need to keep writing my book and share it with the world even though she had no idea that’s exactly what I was doing because I hadn’t talked to her in years.

And honestly I think that’s part of why today felt different.

Then my therapist called and canceled on me and I’m not gonna lie, that one irritated me today because I actually needed somewhere to unload my brain for a minute. This whole twin flame situation has been sitting heavy in my head lately and today was one of those days where I really needed to talk it out. Instead I just carried all the thoughts around with me all day while trying to do self-care and errands and act normal.

So I’m at Cosmoprof grabbing hair color before my appointment and the lady compliments my tattoos and I told her it’s interesting because I’ve had most of these tattoos for about seven or eight years now and suddenly everybody notices them. That’s when it hit me. Everything really does show up in its own time.

Then I got Evan dropped off at the orthodontist and somehow I was still going to make it to my hair appointment on time. I couldn’t even believe it because this whole morning felt like it was already trying to take me out and somehow I was still on schedule.

Then on my way to get my hair done, Range Rover called me asking if I wanted to upgrade my vehicle. Which is hilarious because on April 13 I was literally talking to my friend about manifesting a new Escalade and here I am driving to upgrade my hair and body, and Range Rover is calling me asking if I want to trade my car up. I was like no sir, I’m paying this thing off and driving it into the ground, but the timing of that phone call was absolutely insane. Talk about quantum freaking leaping. You cannot make this shit up.

And that’s where alignment hit me again. I’m literally upgrading myself right now. I got new piercings last weekend, today I added pink into my hair because I’ve always wanted to, and I don’t have all that outside noise in my ear telling me not to. Don’t get me wrong, I still hear the old voices of men in my life who used to control me saying no, don’t do that, that’s ugly, blah blah blah. But I have control now.

I’m not hiding anymore. I’m not afraid of who I am.

After my hair appointment I was so freaking sleepy. Who would’ve thought getting your hair done would make you tired, but between sitting there, the gloomy maybe-rain-coming weather, and the whole day already being a lot, my body was like girl we are done. But nope, not done yet. I headed to PT to get dry needling done because apparently self-care day also includes letting someone stab tight muscles so my body can get its shit together.

Then I finished up my personal laundry, which is always the hardest for me because I do laundry every single day at the office. I can handle the office laundry because that’s work mode, but my own laundry? That’s the boss battle. There’s nothing glamorous about that part. Just real life. Hair done, dry needling done, still gotta fold the damn laundry.

And apparently today’s theme was people noticing me because later I got asked if I was part Native American because of my skin tone and how I tan, which then somehow turned into me getting home and immediately going to my 23 and Me and deep diving into my DNA trying to figure out why I apparently look Albanian but think Nordic. Honestly the Nordic part makes complete sense on how I think. Respectful communication, independence, truth over drama, calm over chaos… yep checks out.

But the weirdest part about the whole thing wasn’t even the DNA results themselves. It was realizing how much of my life has actually been about trying to understand who I am underneath everybody else’s opinions, projections, expectations, and noise.

The way I look. The way I think. The way I communicate. The way I move through life. The way I process things deeply but still stay calm most of the time. It was like one random compliment about my skin somehow turned into me sitting there connecting dots about myself that I never really stopped long enough to look at before.

And honestly that matched the entire energy of today.

People noticing my tattoos all of a sudden after years. People noticing my skin. Me changing my hair because I wanted to. Me openly talking about my memoir and my work without shrinking myself. Me realizing some people don’t actually hear me when I speak unless I’m struggling.

Because that opened up another realization for me today too. I realized people don’t hear wins the same way they hear drama. I can sit and respectfully listen to people talk all day long but the second I start sharing my wins it’s “mhmm… mhmm…” while they’re mentally somewhere else. Half the time I stop talking mid sentence because I can feel they’re not even listening. Then silence… and suddenly we’re back to talking about them again.

And honestly I think that’s part of why I shrunk myself for so many years. I don’t move through life constantly talking shit or living in drama. I move through truth. I move through growth. I move through positivity. But the mismatch is undesired these days and I deserve the same respect I give.

Some of these people may not actually be my people anymore and weirdly enough I’m okay with realizing that now.

I was going to take Evan to get his hair cut before his first day on the job, but this is also his last week of college this semester and he chose studying. Which honestly made me stop for a second because holy shit… my kid is growing up. Then I got yelled at because I messed with his mojo, so I figured I better get my ass out of the house and go do more self-care.

But before I could even fully leave, there was Sir Parker, our Aussiedoodle/Bernedoodle emotional support king, laying on me while Evan kept messing with him. At one point he was tying the dog’s ears together and poor Sir Parker was just taking it like the absolute trooper he is. That dog knows everybody’s business in this house and silently accepts his fate daily. I swear you can’t make this household up either.

Then to top the entire night off I went tanning, did red light therapy on my face, and sat in an infrared sauna breathing salt air trying to decompress from this entire day. And of course the tanning bed trips the breaker and I had to switch beds. The lady said something about how weird little human moments like this always happen in life and I looked at her and said that’s literally why I started the Weird Shit Blog.

Because weird shit happens. Human shit happens. Awkward moments happen. Chaos happens. Alignment happens. Growth happens. And sometimes the weird little moments are the exact reminders that we’re alive and human.

And honestly I think that’s why people are starting to connect to my stories now. Because for the first time in my life, I’m actually talking. I’m talking about my work. I’m talking about my blog. I’m talking about my memoir. I’m letting people see me naturally instead of hiding pieces of myself to make other people comfortable.

And for the first time in my life… I’m not afraid of that anymore.

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