He Said I Remind Him of Shiva… and I Had to Sit With That
There are moments in life that don’t feel big while they’re happening, but something inside you knows… pause… this matters.
Today was one of those moments.
A Morning That Felt Different
But what’s wild is the day didn’t start heavy at all. It was actually the kind of morning I’ve been working toward.
No rushing. No chaos. Just moving at a sustainable pace.
I did my glow routine, took my NAD, saw my 9:00AM client, then headed to Lifetime for a barre class and sauna session. And it was peaceful. Like genuinely peaceful.
Strength Rebuilding in Real Time
And today something clicked in my body… I’ve gotten stronger.
In class, I kept up. No pausing, no stopping and trying to jump back in. Just moving through it.
That might sound small, but for me it’s everything. It’s proof my body is rebuilding… on its timeline, not mine.
When Your Environment Supports You
When I got home, the woman helping organize our house was there.
And instead of chaos or stress, it actually brought a sense of calm.
The house felt clean. Peaceful. Not messy or overwhelming.
And I could feel it in my body… my brain didn’t go into overdrive.
It settled.
And instead of shutting down or retreating, I started getting behind-the-scenes things done.
That alone is growth.
The Moment That Made Me Pause
Then midday, just in conversation, my son—who will be 21 in a couple days—looked at me and said, completely serious, “You remind me of Shiva… the destroyer.”
And I paused.
Because… destroyer?
But he wasn’t joking. So I asked him what he meant.
And he said, “All of it. I’ve watched you my whole life.”
Not Destruction… Transformation
And that hit me.
Because he has.
He’s seen the breakdowns, the rebuilds, the growth, the boundaries, the walk-aways, the times I had to start over. Not just the good parts… all of it.
And if you’re not familiar, Shiva isn’t just about destruction.
He represents the kind of destruction that clears the way for something new. Letting go of what no longer fits, breaking cycles, creating space, and rebuilding again… over and over.
And when I really sat with what my son said…
That’s what he was seeing.
Not chaos.
Transformation.
Someone who doesn’t stay stuck. Someone who feels deeply but keeps moving. Someone who will let things fall away when they’re no longer aligned and build something better in its place.
Being Seen Without Needing the Words
And what makes this even more meaningful is my son doesn’t always express things in typical, straightforward ways.
So when he says something like that, it’s intentional. Thought out. Observed over time.
And honestly, it might be one of the most accurate reflections of me I’ve ever heard.
When You Move Differently, Life Responds
Then, as if the day needed to layer it on even more, I texted a client’s mom and told her there was no need to rush today. My last client had moved, and I could come whenever it worked for them.
Just simple. No pressure. No squeezing things in.
And she texted back and told me I was amazing.
And I just sat there for a second…
Because a year ago, I don’t know if I would’ve handled that the same way.
I would’ve been rushing, trying to fit everything in, staying on a tight schedule, not really leaving room for things to just… flow.
But today, I did.
And that small moment turned into something bigger.
Because again… it wasn’t just what she said.
It was what it reflected back to me.
Real Life Still Happens
Then life gave me another little test… my car.
And when I say taken apart…
I don’t just mean the dash.
I mean everything.
The dash.
The pedals.
The doors.
The steering wheel.
All of it.
Completely torn apart.
And I just stood there… and smiled.
Because not that long ago?
That would’ve sent me.
Like full internal fire—
stress, overwhelm, worst-case scenarios running through my head, feeling like everything was falling apart.
But today?
None of that.
My friend who’s working on it even joked with me like,
“Yeah… it might not work again when I’m done.”
And instead of that hitting my nervous system…
it was just… it is what it is
Like the calmest feeling came over me.
No panic.
No spiral.
No “oh my god what am I going to do.”
Just…
Alright.
We’ll figure it out.
And I realized why I felt that way
Because I trust who’s working on it.
I know they’re going to do whatever they can to fix it the right way.
And how blessed am I to even have that?
Because this could’ve just been a bad investment.
But instead…
I have someone willing to put in the time, the effort, all that work to help me make it right.
And that’s not small.
That’s everything.
Because at the end of the day…
What can you really do?
Stuff breaks.
Life happens.
And you just take care of it the best you can with what you have.
Things Just Work Out
And when I really look at today as a whole.
I had the flexibility my clients needed.
Two out of my three today needed that space, and I was able to give it without stress.
No rushing. No forcing. Just letting things move how they needed to.
And I’ve always believed things would work out…
But now?
I trust it.
I’ve surrendered to it.
Not always perfectly. Not always how I planned.
But they work out.
And today felt like proof of that.
Closing the Day in Trust
Life is beautiful.
Nothing is impossible.
You just keep going and enjoy the ride.
I’m heading out to my 8:30 client now…
calm, grounded, and letting the rest of the night unfold
