The “Keys, Karma, and a Missing Double Cheeseburger”

By: The Woman Who Just Wanted a Double Cheeseburger

If you ever want to know what it feels like to be the universe’s favorite test subject and most stylish warrior all in the same 24-hour period… pull up a chair.

Today wasn’t just a day.

It was a psychological thriller directed by the universe and co-starring a garbage man with a grudge.

Glow Routine Meets Immediate Disrespect

I woke up with a freaking stye in my left eye.

Because apparently, my body said, “You know what would really complete today? Pain. Let’s add pain.”

Cool. Love that for me.

But we don’t skip the glow routine over here.

My morning non-negotiables are simple—my 4-step Glow Getter routine.

No overthinking. No extra. Just what I know works.

It’s the one thing I do every morning that says,

“Alright… we’re at least going to glow through whatever this day throws at me.”

This is the part where I try to regulate my nervous system before the world tests it.

Spoiler alert: it was tested immediately.

The Tax Guy & The Garbage Man

I’m getting ready to leave to go see my Tax Guy, already working against the clock, and as I open the garage door to pull out…

this man is already at the top of the street.

Not even down by my garage yet.

And instead of waiting…

he continues to come all the way down.

Right in front of me.

He looks at me.

Dead in the eyes.

Smiles.

Laughs.

And then proceeds to empty dumpsters like he’s performing a cinematic slow-motion scene.

I was trapped. In my own garage. For 15 minutes.

Sir… you saw me. You made eye contact.

This was intentional.

I finally make it out and get to my Tax Guy.

And honestly? Worth it.

Because when you’re a small business owner, those meetings don’t just feel like appointments—

they feel like your entire life sitting on the table.

And he’s optimistic. Like… actually optimistic.

For the first time in a while, it feels like I might actually catch up in life.

So yeah… that part mattered.

The Great Key Disappearance

I get back home after my Tax Guy appointment, getting ready to head out to my office…

…and of course, I take the stairs, get all the way downstairs, ready to go—

and realize… I don’t have my damn keys.

So now I’m standing there like… no. Absolutely not.

I go back upstairs already feeling it in my body, because I don’t misplace things.

I know where my stuff is.

So as I’m starting to freak out, I’m thinking—no, someone moved them.

And what was probably two minutes

felt like an eternity of me tearing through the house looking for these damn keys while I’m freaking out.

And sure enough…

my son had tucked them under a towel while he was cleaning the kitchen and doing dishes, and they just disappeared into the process.

By the time I found them, I was already behind.

Again.

10AM: And We’re Already Doing the Most

I finally get to work, get all set up, and for a moment… I’m calm.

Like okay. We made it. We’re here.

My first client is running behind, so I’m just getting things ready, settling in—and then my phone starts ringing.

I’m thinking it’s the security system so I answer it to let her in…

Nope.

It’s my business line.

And I accidentally hang up on her.

Perfect.

So now I’m scrambling trying to find her number to call her back and figure out where she’s at—

and my brain is STILL stuck on my keys from earlier.

Like logically I know I have them…

but my brain is still acting like we’re in crisis mode.

So now I’m juggling:

finding her number

calling her back

trying to stay calm

and my brain is like “but where are the keys though??”

I finally get ahold of her.

She comes in…

and immediately needs to go to the bathroom.

Of course she does.

So now I’m showing her where that is, we’re already behind, everything’s off rhythm—but we finally get her on the table and start.

And this is where it shifts.

Her trauma is so deeply stored in her body that her breathing, her nervous system, and her physical body are completely out of sync.

And this is the work.

This is what I do.

Helping people become aware of how sensitive their body actually is… and how much it’s holding.

I’m so grateful she booked her next two appointments, because this isn’t a one-session fix.

This is something we’re going to work through together.

And then…

Client one is running behind.

So naturally—Client two shows up early.

Of course she does.

And she’s ringing through the security system…

while I’m trying to check out Client one.

And because everything is connected to my iPhone and iPad…

I can’t even check my client out.

Because the phone is just:

ringing.

ringing.

ringing.

ringing.

Y’all… I’m dying.

What a weird fucking day.

I finally get my first client checked out, say goodbye—

and my second client (also a new client) is already there.

And honestly? At this point I’m just like…

Of course you are.

Welcome to the chaos.

Because if weird shit isn’t happening with me, I don’t know what to tell you.

Something always happens—especially in my office, especially when I’m working with people.

That’s just how life works over here.

But this second client…

absolutely beautiful young woman.

Within 10 minutes of her session, she starts crying.

And she says,

“I don’t know why I’m crying.”

And I just… let her.

Because emotional releases like that are so common in my room.

So we work through it.

We talk about how touch—especially hugging—is something her body isn’t comfortable with.

And at the end of the session…

we hugged.

And I counted.

One full minute.

I could feel her heart racing…

and I just stayed there until her body fully calmed down.

Before we said goodbye.

My two new clients today?

Epic.

The Midday Wins & More Work

After those two clients, I went and picked up my new glasses.

And listen… I look cute. Even with the stye.

I dropped them off at home…

and then headed back out to their house to see my couple.

Because the day wasn’t done yet.

The Couple Session… and the Double Cheeseburger Plot Twist

I start with him first.

Then I move to her.

And her and I have known each other for eight years, so at this point… it’s always something.

And while I’m working on her hips and inner thighs…

my stomach starts acting up.

Like talking. Loud.

And all of a sudden—

I cannot stop thinking about a double cheeseburger from McDonald’s.

Not a McDouble.

Don’t disrespect me like that.

A real, old-school, double cheeseburger.

And it’s not even just a thought—it’s a full-on craving out of nowhere.

And I look at her and I’m like…

“Okay, what is going on with your gut right now?”

Because this isn’t me.

This is her.

And sure enough… it lines up.

So now I’m over here working through her hips and inner thighs…

while my stomach is basically calling her out.

What a weird fucking day.

The Gummy Bear Detour (Because Apparently I Have Rules Now)

On my way home from their house, I had to stop at CVS.

Because let’s not forget—I’ve got this stye staring back at me all day, so I needed to grab some eye cream.

But also…

I could not forget the damn gummy bears.

Because I’m hoping I get to go see my friend tomorrow—

and they have made it very clear:

I am not allowed to come over without gummy bears.

And listen…

don’t tell me something and expect me not to do it—

because now every time I come to your house, I’m bringing them damn gummy bears.

I don’t know when that became a rule,

but I’m not about to test it.

So now I’m in CVS, grabbing stye cream and gummy bears like this is just a normal part of my life.

Which at this point… it kind of is.

Dinner Negotiations & Financial Redistribution

I walk in the door and immediately hear:

“Mom, what’s for dinner? I want Butter Chicken from Spice Village.”

And just like that… there goes my double cheeseburger.

My son has a friend over, so I look at him and go:

“Are you paying?”

He says, “Yeah, I’ve got $87 left from my birthday.”

Oh. Perfect. Love this for us.

Because I pay for everything else—tonight, we are redistributing wealth.

Parker & Accountability Checks

Somewhere between ordering dinner and accepting my fate, I look at my son and go:

“If you’re hungry… do you think the dog is hungry?”

Cue the classic response:

“I was just asking what’s for dinner—I didn’t say I was hungry.”

Nice try.

He got up, fed Parker, and filled the water dish.

We’re raising awareness and responsibility in this house.

The Verdict

I never got my double cheeseburger.

But…

I’ve got new glasses

A fed dog

A little bit of hope as a business owner again

And $80 worth of Butter Chicken on the way

(paid for by my child 💅)

It was long.

It was weird.

It was a full-on squirrel-brain kind of day.

But I’m still standing.

I’m still cute.

And I’m definitely taking that birthday money.

And you know what’s even better?

It’s raining.

Thundering.

Lightning.

While I’m sitting here writing this.

What a beautiful way to end the day—

washing away everything that’s been wrong today.