The First Rule of Weird Shit: It Usually Starts at 5 AM
If you’re looking for a blog about "mindfulness" and "aesthetic morning routines," you’re in the wrong neighborhood. My morning started with me waking up at 5:00 AM, turning the TV on for reasons unknown to God or man, and then accidentally falling into the deepest sleep of my life—only to be ripped out of it by an alarm at 6:45.
Welcome to the chaos.
The Minnesota Special
Living in Minnesota, the weather is its own character. It’s freezing. I’m stumbling around throwing on whatever clothes are nearby just to stay covered. My son—who is autistic—and his therapy dog are already at a Level 10 energy. They’re running through the house like crazy because the dog is beyond excited for a ride, but the poor guy also really needs to poop. I’m jamming in my contacts and we hit the elevator to the garage. One problem: No car. For five seconds, your brain goes through the "Panic Rolodex": Was it towed? Did someone steal it? Then reality hits: I’m the dumbass who left the car outside overnight.
Flip-Flops and Philosophy
Back to the elevator. Back to the lobby. Now I’m outside in the tundra wearing flip-flops, a hoodie, and "flimsy pants" just to keep the bits covered. My son is taking initiative, picking up the dog poop to throw it away, but then he starts yelling at me because apparently, I don't know the "proper" way to load a dog into a car. I’m trying to get the dog into the trunk of my baby Range Rover (I love that car, but it’s a 2017 and the heater has a mind of its own). The dog usually just hops right in, but today? He’s staring at my massage table in the back like it’s a portal to hell. He’s terrified of it. He won’t budge. So there I am: freezing, in flip-flops, getting schooled by my kid on dog-loading etiquette, praying to the "Sweet Baby Jesus" of car heaters that the windows will defrost before we all turn into ice sculptures.
The Plot Twist
And here is the weird shit. The stuff no one speaks about. The heat actually kicked in. I took a deep breath. And then, Evan did something he’s never done. For the first time ever, he just... took charge. He got out and scraped the frost off every single window. No gloves. Just a zip-up hoodie and that autistic focus that ensures not a single flake of ice remains. He gets back in, looks at the dog, and says: "Mom. You are so weird. Seriously." He’s not wrong.
The Sexy Mirror Moment
I dropped him off at college, the radio came on, and suddenly I felt 16 again. No care in the world. I looked in the mirror and realized that despite the "Murphy Latte" of a morning, I was feeling myself. I actually looked sexy. Is it weird to feel your best when you just spent twenty minutes shivering in flip-flops and arguing with a dog about a massage table? Maybe. But that’s the point. Life isn't about the perfect morning; it's about the spectacular weirdness that happens when everything goes off-script.
It’s all weird. And I’m here for all of it.
