The Mess, The Magic, The Movement

⚡️ The Static Starts

Let’s get real for a second.

Healing isn’t sage and sunsets. It’s messy, it’s loud, and sometimes it feels like your brain is running three different programs while your body is just trying to stay grounded.

Today was one of those electric days—literally.

The day started with the usual Vlog & Glow routine. Out here adulting… checking the mail for Evan’s new driver’s license (huge milestone) and dealing with insurance companies. The kind of behind-the-scenes CEO work nobody sees, but it’s what keeps everything moving so I can show up the way I do for my clients.

Then came the brain glitch.

I went in for my 8-week Vitamin D injection, and it wasn’t just “in my head”—there was a lot happening all at once.

I had to fill out paperwork because it was up for renewal so I could keep getting the injections approved. I was on a time crunch, trying to stay on schedule, and already feeling that pressure building in my body.

Then the front desk guy checked me out… and charged a card I don’t even have anymore.

That’s when my system started lighting up.

Internally, I’m like, what the hell is happening right now? I went up to him and asked what he was doing, and he immediately was like, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry—I thought you had already left without paying.”

So now I’m waiting… watching… trying to see if the charge reverses.

And it eventually did.

But in that window, my body was already spiraling—from the time pressure, the money trigger, all of it stacking at once.

And this is the part that people don’t see.

While all of that is happening, my brain wants to run straight to worst-case scenarios. That’s old wiring. That’s survival mode.

For most of my life, my system was wired to stay alert and anticipate the worst.

So even the smallest things can still trigger that space sometimes.

So here my brain goes:

“Oh my God, the nurse hates me. They don’t like me here. Why do I even keep coming here?”

Just… noise.

Loud, convincing, emotional noise.

And none of it was true.

That’s the difference now, though.

My body can stay calm and present enough for me to slow it down and actually process what’s real and what isn’t.

It’s not that the thoughts don’t come up—it’s that I don’t follow them anymore.

It’s old wiring getting mixed signals.

By the time I finally got my injection and went back up to actually check out, I could feel it still sitting in my system.

And instead of pretending I was fine, I just said it:

“I’m sorry… money is still a trigger for me. It’s a work in progress.”

And just like that, the energy shifted.

They looked at me and said, “Oh my God, I understand that too much.”

No judgment. No weirdness. Just… human.

And that’s when everything dropped.

🧠 Stop Shrinking

After that, I’m in the sauna locker room. Normally, I’m the “smile and stay invisible” type in those moments.

Not today.

I saw two friends sitting together and just blurted out, “I wish I had a friend like that.”

And instead of it being weird… it turned into this really genuine, human moment. A full-on connection out of something that used to make me shrink.

That was new.

💆‍♀️ The Work That Matters

Then I got to work.

My first client—he’s been with me for over a decade. Special needs, one of my people I’ve traveled with, and he still cracks me up every time I see him.

I’ve actually known his mom since 2008, and we’ve built a relationship that goes way beyond just appointments.

Years ago, we were in Texas—five or six years ago—and he wanted help changing the channel on the hotel TV.

Somehow… I accidentally approved Cinemax Spicy for him 😂

And now, every single time he sees me, he makes sure to bring it up and remind me I’m “naughty.” 😂

And honestly… those are the moments that matter. I’m not just doing a service—I’m part of his world, his memories, his joy.

That’s not something I take lightly.

Then came the human lightning bolt moment.

New client. Fire energy. Her body needed more, so I gave it. Didn’t watch the clock, just listened.

Walked out of that room so charged up that every metal door handle I touched started shocking the hell out of me.

Like… full-on static electricity chaos.

I am literally a walking capacitor right now. If you see me sparking, mind your business ⚡️

❤️ Legacy & Real Life

Last client of the day… and this one hit in a different way.

He sat there showing me videos of his grandson with so much pride it just melted me. I see his wife tomorrow, and in that moment it hit me—when people trust you with their bodies and their life, their family, their memories… you’re doing something right.

That’s legacy work.

🔥 The 11-Year Slow Burn

Now I’m cleaning up, and here comes the other layer.

The “three versions of me” in my head again.

One part of me is completely logical—like, you’re fine, everything is handled, nothing is actually wrong.

Another part of me is calm in my body, grounded, just moving through the motions of closing out the day.

And then there’s that third part… the one that gets triggered.

And when that one hits, it tries to pull me somewhere else entirely.

It took me right back to that feeling of the void… the alone feeling that’s been there since my fiancé passed just over seven years ago.

Because I have been alone since then—raising my son, working through my trauma, rebuilding everything.

And honestly… writing my memoir and starting to release it in short stories on Substack has been a huge game changer.

It’s bringing things up.

So I’m sure that’s why I’ve been moving through so many emotional waves right now.

Not because something is wrong—

But because things are finally moving.

And this is where the work comes in.

Instead of letting it take over, I paused.

I sat in it.

Let it move through without trying to fix it, shut it down, or run from it.

And in that pause, I could see it clearly—

This wasn’t my present.

This was old wiring trying to run the show again.

And as soon as that clicked… everything shifted.

Because instead of falling into that “alone” feeling, it actually brought me back to what’s real right now.

Which is this 🔥🔥unconventional friendship.

Something that’s been building over the last few weeks… with someone I’ve actually known for 11 years.

And instead of questioning it or overthinking it, I found myself just feeling… grateful.

Grateful that I’m not in that same place anymore.

Grateful that I can recognize the difference between old patterns and what’s actually in front of me.

Grateful for what’s forming without needing to define it.

It’s not loud. It’s not forced.

It just… exists.

And that’s exactly where I need to be.

I don’t have space in my brain for new.

And for the first time, that doesn’t feel like a limitation.

It feels like clarity.

Rewiring your nervous system isn’t for the weak.

You have to get to a point where you’ve had enough of your own shit to sit through the static without running from it.

Today I went from feeling like I was being judged and pushed out… to realizing I’m actually deeply seen, supported, and sought after.

Same day. Same life.

Different wiring.

Stop shrinking.

Start sparking. ⚡️

If your nervous system needs a place to exhale, I offer trauma-informed massage, head spa treatments, and advanced skincare at 888 Spa MN located in Apple Valley—where real life and real healing meet.