You Can’t Make This Shit Up

I wasn’t even trying… and everything just kept happening.

(The words that are underlined are clickable links.)

Woke up freezing my ass off.

Like… why does it feel like I slept inside a refrigerator?

Look at the thermostat—66°.

Sixty. Six.

For reference… I did not set it to that.

Because I enjoy feeling my limbs when I wake up.

Meanwhile my kid is living his best polar bear life.

Excuse me, sir—

who pays the bills around here?

Told Parker we’re going for a hike…

and now he’s aggressively ringing his doorbell like I personally ruined his life.

Bouncing. Staring at me.

Sir… you are a dog.

You have 15 more minutes.

The look I’m getting right now? Unreal.

I love this dog so much.

Then I go to do my glow routine for my vlog…

something I’ve been doing every day for weeks with no problem…

and today?

I kept freezing.

Like mid-thought… nothing.

Brain just buffering in real life.

Then all of a sudden I get comfortable…

and just start rambling.

Full send. No brakes.

We’ll see what that edit looks like because I already know…

that was not a 3-minute vlog today.

Now I’m trying to get out the door…

running behind because I told my son to get Parker ready…

and apparently that meant nothing.

Didn’t know where his stuff was.

Sir.

You live here too.

Finally get to the hike—

both dogs clearly need to poop…

but are way too distracted by literally everything else.

Sniff this. Look at that. Oh a leaf.

Meanwhile we’re like…

guys. please. just pick a spot.

Eventually—success.

We move on.

Hike is going normal… peaceful…

and then out of nowhere—

we run into a mean girl.

And not like “bad day” mean.

That entitled, weird energy.

We moved. Like we always do.

There was zero reason for anything to happen…

and she still managed to come in weird,

fake trip, and either pretend to kick or actually lightly kick my friend’s tiny dog.

You could feel her energy before she even got to us.

Ma’am…

this is a hiking trail too.

Not high school.

Grow up.

And then there’s this “Friend”.

I’m literally talking about this friend out loud to my client—

like how confusing they are—

and messages come through.

I listen to a song that reminds me of this friend…

and messages come through from this Friend.

This has happened way too many times now.

At what point is it not a coincidence anymore?

And then… because apparently we weren’t done—

The dogs poop again.

We walk it to the trash and on the way back

I’m talking about how weird it is to be living a life

I used to only dream about.

Like actually saying it out loud.

And right as I say that—

a client texts me asking for an emergency massage.

…okay.

We get back to the cars

and someone is literally taking a picture of my car.

Because it’s unique.

Because it has my business logo on it.

And now my brain starts spiraling like…

cool… love this…

but now my car needs upgrades to match this version of my life.

So what do I do?

I’m messaging that “Friend” about needing a new grill for my car, My way of responding, lol

Nice one Lynette

Because apparently that’s where we’re at now.

And then my brain spirals again…

Because for the last six months

I’ve wanted these custom Nikes.

And they’re like $200.

And I know I don’t need anyone’s permission…

but I still can’t bring myself to buy them.

Because I’m still sitting in my head

waiting for someone to say—

“those are cool.”

“go for it.”

“why not?”

Like… what is that?

Then I finally get in the shower…

Get out… and all of a sudden

my throat starts itching.

Like really itching.

And it literally looks like something bit me while I was in the shower.

…how??

And if you know anything about energy and how it flows through the body—

the throat represents your truth.

So now I’m just standing there like…

Okay.

I hear you loud and clear.

What’s the next move?

Then I get to work…

and someone’s trying to argue with me

that the tattoos on my hand are new

or that I’ve always hidden them

or always worn long sleeves.

Like… what??

I’m a massage therapist…

I use my elbows…

how the hell would I be wearing long sleeves??

I’m so confused at this point while she’s trying to convince me of my own life.

And what’s wild is this is probably like the 10th client in the last month

who has asked me if I got new tattoos

or what’s different about them.

She just cannot wrap her head around

the fact that my morning peptide routine

has changed my life that much.

It’s noticeable.

And while that’s happening—

I’ve got two other clients messaging me

telling me they love the glow routine

and how much less bloated they feel.

Like…

what is actually happening in my life right now?

Honestly…

today is one of those days

you just can’t make up.

This is exactly why I call it the Weird Shit Blog.

Because every single day is different.

A completely new adventure.

Stuff you couldn’t plan.

Stuff you couldn’t make up.

You just live it…

and then sit down later like—

what the hell just happened today?

Got another short story dropped in the memoir tonight too!!

Before I go…

here are today’s two star items.

The electric kettle I use daily—especially at night for tea to wind down and relax before bed. It’s just part of my routine at this point.

And this galaxy projector—one of the lights I switch out on my office ceiling, or I set it on a timer in my bedroom at night with sound to help me fall asleep.

Because the vibe matters. Always.

If your nervous system needs a place to exhale, I offer trauma-informed massage, head spa treatments, and advanced skincare at 888 Spa MN—where real life and real healing meet.